You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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