after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I AM VODKA MAN
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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