Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
