So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
