Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
