I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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