If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize