i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
