Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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