it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
