I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
