I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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