Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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