Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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