HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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