Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
