My nipple is on Facebook.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
