he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
