he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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