my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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