btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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