You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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