You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
