I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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