Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
