yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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