so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize