New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
