can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
