i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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