He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The uberlube is also flammable
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
