Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
