Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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