honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
