In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
