Sponge bath it is.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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