Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
