she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
