That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
