I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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