I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
