I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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