I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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