all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
