the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.