I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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