Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.