16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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