Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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  (925): First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so. http://tfl.nu/lvgi
  Replies (91) Good night (879) Bad night (9942)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

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  (773): Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes. http://tfl.nu/41f8
  Replies (48) Good night (6170) Bad night (1345)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

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  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
  Replies (27) Good night (6336) Bad night (1041)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

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  (917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged
  Replies (19) Good night (5855) Bad night (1795)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  You can't call dibs 8 years later.

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  (936): You can't call dibs 8 years later. http://tfl.nu/gnnz
  Replies (7) Good night (2534) Bad night (973)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We still going to Happy Hour

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up

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  (267): We still going to Happy Hour (201): Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up http://tfl.nu/e38y
  Replies (2) Good night (887) Bad night (1203)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.

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  (281): I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that. http://tfl.nu/d3y7
  Replies (7) Good night (633) Bad night (1455)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"

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  (847): Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!" http://tfl.nu/mldx
  Replies (5) Good night (2513) Bad night (655)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.

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  (540): Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes. http://tfl.nu/qx0i
  Replies (11) Good night (1592) Bad night (729)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.

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  (304): I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over. http://tfl.nu/9s58
  Replies (5) Good night (711) Bad night (609)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.

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  (218): Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off. http://tfl.nu/vd2r
  Replies (7) Good night (1238) Bad night (690)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.

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  (248): Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good. http://tfl.nu/i36t
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..

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  (843): It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone.. http://tfl.nu/vld6
  Replies (13) Good night (490) Bad night (1559)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.

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  (203): At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it. http://tfl.nu/8csz
  Replies (4) Good night (703) Bad night (364)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"

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  (306): no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out" http://tfl.nu/r386
  Replies (2) Good night (381) Bad night (462)

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