I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
