Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.