I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.