Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.