You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
