You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
