PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
