i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
