idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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