Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
