party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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