After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
