Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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