bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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