Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Still dying that you shit outside
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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