Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I love having hate sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
