My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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