You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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