so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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