My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize