she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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