sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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