I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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