Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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