Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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