bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
