After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
