my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
