wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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