Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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