Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
