I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
