i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
