My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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