I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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