dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
