M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A+ Viking dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
