Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
