I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He shit in the fireplace
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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