I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
