I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
