I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
