i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
