You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
is that a dick in a sweater?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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