Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
