Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
