You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
